SAYING NO TO THE WOLF

NO MEANS NO !

Dr. Gabor Maté, physician and author specializing in trauma and attachment, emphasizes that the inability to say “no” is not a character flaw, but often a deeply rooted response linked to our attachment history.

When a child comes to understand—consciously or not—that love, safety, or acceptance depend on their ability to please or not disturb, they learn to suppress their needs in order to preserve the bond.

In adulthood, this mechanism may manifest as a tendency to always say “yes,” even at the cost of one’s mental or physical health. For Maté, this self-denial becomes a subtle form of self-abandonment, where one sacrifices their own boundaries to maintain the illusion of relational safety.

Regaining the ability to say “no” thus becomes an act of healing, a reclamation of self. It is the recognition that setting boundaries is not rejecting the other, but respecting oneself. And it is often by revisiting our attachment wounds that this inner freedom can be reborn.

Meditation

Reclaiming the Right to Say “No”

Settle into a quiet space

Sit or lie down comfortably

Close your eyes

Breathe slowly

Feel your body Here and Now

Breathe in deeply…

Breathe out slowly…

Let the weight of the day drift away for a moment

Welcome yourself with gentleness

There is nothing to prove here

Return to a moment in your life…

When you wanted to say “No”

A small “No”

A big “No”

A “no” that stayed silent out of fear, guilt, or loyalty

Observe this memory, without judgment

You did nothing wrong

Now, imagine the child you once were

Perhaps they believed they had to say “yes” to be loved

Perhaps their “no” wasn’t heard, or was felt as a betrayal

Offer that child your presenceYour safety

Tell them gently, heart to heart

“Your ‘no’ is precious

It does not destroy Love.

It is the guardian of your being.

You have the right to exist, even if it disturbs others

You can be loved without betraying yourself.”

Breathe…

Let these words resonate within you

Feel your body…

Where are your boundaries?

Where is your sincere “yes”?

Where is your necessary “no”?

With each breath, imagine you are strengthening an inner space…

A clear, calm space where you can choose

Not out of fearNot to please

But from your Center

Gently return to the present moment

Move your body a little

Stretch if you need to

And carry with you this simple truth

Saying “no” is sometimes the purest form of Love

Love for oneself, and true Love for the other