SAYING NO TO THE WOLF
- yehouda72
- 19 mai
- 2 min de lecture

Dr. Gabor Maté, physician and author specializing in trauma and attachment, emphasizes that the inability to say “no” is not a character flaw, but often a deeply rooted response linked to our attachment history.
When a child comes to understand—consciously or not—that love, safety, or acceptance depend on their ability to please or not disturb, they learn to suppress their needs in order to preserve the bond.
In adulthood, this mechanism may manifest as a tendency to always say “yes,” even at the cost of one’s mental or physical health. For Maté, this self-denial becomes a subtle form of self-abandonment, where one sacrifices their own boundaries to maintain the illusion of relational safety.
Regaining the ability to say “no” thus becomes an act of healing, a reclamation of self. It is the recognition that setting boundaries is not rejecting the other, but respecting oneself. And it is often by revisiting our attachment wounds that this inner freedom can be reborn.
Meditation
Reclaiming the Right to Say “No”
Settle into a quiet space
Sit or lie down comfortably
Close your eyes
Breathe slowly
Feel your body Here and Now
Breathe in deeply…
Breathe out slowly…
Let the weight of the day drift away for a moment
Welcome yourself with gentleness
There is nothing to prove here
Return to a moment in your life…
When you wanted to say “No”
A small “No”
A big “No”
A “no” that stayed silent out of fear, guilt, or loyalty
Observe this memory, without judgment
You did nothing wrong
Now, imagine the child you once were
Perhaps they believed they had to say “yes” to be loved
Perhaps their “no” wasn’t heard, or was felt as a betrayal
Offer that child your presenceYour safety
Tell them gently, heart to heart
“Your ‘no’ is precious
It does not destroy Love.
It is the guardian of your being.
You have the right to exist, even if it disturbs others
You can be loved without betraying yourself.”
Breathe…
Let these words resonate within you
Feel your body…
Where are your boundaries?
Where is your sincere “yes”?
Where is your necessary “no”?
With each breath, imagine you are strengthening an inner space…
A clear, calm space where you can choose
Not out of fearNot to please
But from your Center
Gently return to the present moment
Move your body a little
Stretch if you need to
And carry with you this simple truth
Saying “no” is sometimes the purest form of Love
Love for oneself, and true Love for the other
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